Dad refuses to pay for daughter's college tuition if she chooses an arts degree, despite being able to easily thanks to a $3 million inheritance, daughter and wife disagree: 'She absolutely hated this'

This father and his wife can afford to fund their daughter's college education thanks to a $3 million inheritance. However, the father will only pay for her chosen private-school tuition if she chooses to major in theater, art, or any other creative subject with "uncertain" employment. This, combined with his offer to pay full tuition if she chooses a major with a "clear" career pathway, has put him under fire from his wife and daughter. He shared his current predicament with this online community, hoping to get some outside perspective on the situation.

I, myself, was in a similar situation. My parents' assistance was conditional on me studying a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics ) degree because they were "better." Better in the sense that they would lead to more stable and gainful employment. I ended up deciding I'd go to med school and chose a rigorous pre-med pathway through a Bachelor of Science in Biology.

But my heart was never in it. I love biology and ecology, which I chose to major in, but I never had an idea in my mind of what I'd actually do with that degree outside of going to med school. There was never a clear vision, a clear pathway.

Let's take a look at the original story, which was shared by this father in this online community. We'll then talk about the situation and my own experience and take a look at some of the key responses from readers of the origianal thread.

AITA for putting conditions on how much I’ll pay for my daughter’s college depending on what she majors in?

Source: lionheart724

My wife and I are fortunate enough to be in a position where we can pay for our daughter’s college education.

The issue is what she wants to major in.
She’s interested in things like theater, art, and other creative fields. I told her I’m concerned about spending a significant amount of money on a degree that may not give her many stable career options after graduation.

We actually sat down together and looked at potential careers, salaries, and job opportunities associated with some of the majors she’s considering. From what we found, I wasn’t convinced the cost of the degree made financial sense.

So I gave her a choice.

If she chooses a major with a reasonably clear path toward stable, gainful employment, my wife and I will pay 100% of her tuition.

If she decides she wants to pursue one of the creative majors she’s interested in, I’ll still contribute—but only up to the equivalent of in-state public university tuition. She wants to attend a private school, so she would be responsible for the difference through scholarships, working, or student loans.

My reasoning is pretty simple: I’m willing to invest heavily in her education, but I don’t think being able to afford something automatically means I should pay for it regardless of the potential return.

She absolutely hated this.

She told me that making her take out loans when we have the ability to pay is unfair and would put her at a disadvantage starting her adult life.

I told her that graduating with an expensive degree that doesn’t provide enough income to support herself could also put her at a disadvantage.
That did not help my case.

My wife thinks I’m being too rigid, and most of my family thinks I’m the a*h*le. Their argument is that college should be about finding something you’re passionate about, not just maximizing your future salary.

I understand that argument. I also think there’s a difference between supporting your kid’s dreams and writing a blank check for them.

For context, I’m a 39-year-old high school biology teacher, and my wife works in healthcare. We’re not wealthy—we’ve just been fortunate and planned ahead enough that paying for college is something we can realistically do.

So, internet strangers:
Am I the a*h*le for putting conditions on how much I’m willing to pay based on what my daughter chooses to major in?

Additional Context:

I had a 3 million dollar inheritance. We paid off our home and live very frugally. Our kids don’t know about the inheritance

After graduating from university with a degree that I didn't choose, I took a job as a writer and editor. A creative field that I'd actually wanted to study. I would have saved myself a lot of mental turmoil by not taking that brutally curved advanced pathway, pre-med classes.

I am convinced that I would have done better in school had I been allowed to study a degree of my choosing. Something like literature, philosophy, or communications and journalism. The last of which my older sister had ironically been allowed to study before me. I think I would have done better in school and been happier overall during a very challenging time in my life. I also would have come out the other side with more meaningful experience in my chosen career under my belt. Which would have given me a better boost to the start of my career than what eventuated.

I know that in a lot of ways they were “right” and that my parents had the best intentions and were looking out for me. I appreciate everything my parents have done for me. I acknowledge the wealth of privilege I have for their support. But, at the time, I felt like my arm was being twisted a way I didn't want it to be. I felt that I had no ownership over my own chosen path in life.

And here we are 10 years later. Me, writing this to you now. I've never used that degree. I actually feel that all that my university experience did was set me back the 4 years I spent there. Or maybe even more. What else could I have done with those vital years? The years as a young adult where I could have been working toward the thing I'd known, deep down, since I was a kid that I wanted to be doing “when I grew up.”

But you can't spend too much time looking back or thinking about these things. Who knows how many other things in my life would have worked out differently. Things that I wouldn't trade for anything.

And, I'm sure, one day, that degree and that experience will have some use to me. These things in life have a funny way of coming back around. But for the time being, it's just a nice wall decoration in the spare bedroom of my home where I do most of my creative work.

What's the takeaway here? I mean, there's no clean answer. I think I'm just trying to say that while parents might do things with the best of intentions for their kids. At a certain point, you also have to let them be their own individuals and choose their own path.

Besides, when it comes to careers, what even is a career anymore? Jobs and entire career pathways come and go faster than you can blink these days. The idea that there is a single type of career that will give you gainful and stable employment is an old idea. An idea that some are clinging to from days that have since passed.